I’m about to lose the place where I’ve lived for nearly 2 years.

Why?

Because I write too much.

More specifically, I wrote too often.  I thought that the recipients of  my emails would appreciate the reporting, uh, the detailed reporting, of the happenings in the home.

I was wrong.

And now, seeking a place to live AND a job to pay for a place to live, I’m sending emails to family and friends because I’m so sure that “this time” I’m going to get the job, or I’m going to live here, or…

I’ve come to realize, after all of the disappointment and the inability to find permanent employment (part-time, not entry trying for full-time anymore), that I’m probably driving everyone NUTS.

Thank goodness they can’t replace me…but wait…I guess they can replace me.  Or, at least, SIMPLY STOP READING MY EMAILS.

It won’t be the first time I’ve been ignored, not replied to, or acknowledged.   After nearly two years, especially this last year, of NO RESPONSE to directly asked (and emailed) questions, heck, I’m used to it.

Bring it on…wait, I mean “Don’t bring it on!”

I’ve learned not to expect a response!

“Sometimes you are the windshield, sometimes you are the bug” - Mary Chapin Carpenter.

I saw a commercial today, the one where the woman and her daughter come home to find an intruder tearing up the home.   After the installation of a security alarm, they no longer live in fear.   And, the parting shot is of the woman telling us earnestly that the time to buy and install an alarm system is not after such an attack, but before….

There are a bunch of ducks, innocently (or not, depending on your view of the ducks) spending their lives out at a pond somewhere.   After a period of time, the ducks multiply, the people feed them, and soon the “cute” ducks are no longer welcome.    They are rounded up and moved to another location.   But, time goes by and they return and the circle starts all over again.  Only this time, someone decides instead of rounding them up and moving them, they are to be killed.   Too much poop and too much concern over how that poop will affect the humans that fed the ducks in the first place.

There are a bunch of gray wolves out west somewhere.  I don’t know as much about their situation, except that hunters are being given the go ahead to decimate the animals.  These are FAMILIES, packs of wolves, living and innocent (or not, depending on your view of the wolves) creatures, who someone has decided they shouldn’t be allowed to live.

There are a bunch of wild American horses, Mustangs, beautiful, innocent  (or not, depending on your view of the horses) creatures.   A part of our history, a part of the lore of the west.   And, they have babies, ponies who are run until they can’t run anymore, chased by helicopters.   Another story is that the mares are sterilized, again I don’t know all of the details, but they are penned and restricted in such a way that the stallions are allowed to repeatedly mate with them, I won’t use the graphic term.

These are 3 of the many atrocities that are allowed, even encouraged, by the “more intelligent” species, the humans.   These animals are living their lives, much like we are.  Doing what they do, surviving as best they can, and all the while, someone  or something outside their control dictates life or death for them, their ability to feel pain or pleasure, to experience suffering or happiness.

I guess it’s just the grand scheme of things.

Today, I “pruned” a wild vine that continues to exist, even to thrive, after many such prunings.  As I cut away the parts of the plant that surpasses the rest, the successful and strongest - perhaps the term resilient would be appropriate? - I thought about the unfairness of it all.   Here is a plant that is just DOING WHAT IT DOES, growing and flourishing, only to have part of it hacked away simply because it’s causing the electronic eye of the lamp post to continually burn even in broad daylight.   An innocent (or not, depending on your view of the plant) plant is cut in half to save electricity.

Fair?   What is happening in Somalia, is that fair?   The trafficking of women and girls, is that fair?    There’s too many of these kinds of atrocities to name them all.    No, it’s not fair.   But it is what is is for whatever reason.   The ducks, the wolves, the horses, the plants, and yes, even the humans - we are all struggling (or not) to survive with no control at all over the nut cases who shoot in the grocery store parking lots, or the drug addicts who think they are entitled to abuse narcotics and that it’s ok to do whatever is necessary to get their next fix - as safe as we think we have it, we aren’t safe at all.

Did you hear about that meteor that’s headed towards our “relative” vicinity?   They say it isn’t going to come close enough to “hurt the earth”, or some such words, but the point is THERE IS A METEOR HEADING TOWARDS OUR LOCATION and there’s nothing we can do about it.  Like the ducks who haven’t a clue that they are about to be killed.

Guess I need to get my prescription refilled.

Haven’t heard from the possible “head examined” job yet…but, did spend the last two evenings dancing myself healthy.   And, like the property searching “stars” of House Hunting International, who have to weigh out the pros and cons of 3 properties to finally choose the “right” one, I’m waiting to see what else crosses my path.

I still have 5-6 weeks of an affordable (Thank you God!) roof over my head…and time to wait out Mercury’s backward travels…for the “perfect” opportunity!

See?   I’m even writing like the script of the HGTV shows I love to watch.

I’ve been known to bend over backwards to help where I can.  I donate when I don’t know how I’m going to make it myself.   I borrow money to help those in need.

Perhaps the reason why I have done all these things comes from a broken part of me, I don’t really know if I’m helping out of the goodness of my heart or out of some need to justify my existence…but I do know that there is a God.   There is a circle of life, in this case, a circle of giving.

There have been so many examples of the good coming BACK into my life.  Of people (working for Ron &Keith, dancing with Ray, to name a few), money (part-time jobs, the computer tutoring and others), opportunities (living here in The Village of Cortez for nearly 2 years, learning to dance in the first place, BECOMING A VILLAGER).

I’m in a place now where I HAVE to accept the goodness and kindness of others and of  “The Universe”.

Even as I’m learning how, I’m also still trying to figure out how to support the little girl’s dream to provide drinking water to the children of the world, to help the wild horses my sister loves so much, and to feed the hungry children of America.   Wrestling with keeping the money that I also need to pay my medical bills, to buy food and supplements to keep myself healthy, to save for the rent I’ll need to come up with every month, etc., etc…wrestling with “taking care of myself” so that I can, at some point, take care of “the world”.

Even as I type this, I KNOW that the REASON that God is feeding the sparrow that is ME, is because I’ve given away some of the blessings I’ve received.    So, there’s my answer…accept.   Allot what I’m given to the 6 jars and then SHARE the “giving” jar with everyone I can.

Problem solved.

I’m about to move from a “free” place to live, no rent, a master bed/bath to myself, a garage for my Mustang and the use of a golf cart which has made my (nearly a) year as a Villager more real.   On 9/17/2011, I will have been a Villager for a full year.  It hardly seems like a year has passed in one respect, but with the travails that have occurred, it seems even longer.   A DUI (not mine), the subsequent counseling (not mine) and AA meetings (not mine) and the frustration of dealing someone hell bent on destroying a really nice place for me to live, finally coming full circle.   I’m to be replaced with someone and something more beneficial to the recovering alcoholic.   This journey is nearing it’s end and a new path is starting for the both of us, for the family as well.

If I get a third job, I’ll be able to actually PAY for the next place where I’ll reside…unless I can find another “free” (nothing is free, nothing) place before moving into the $500/mth room in the home of another Villager, also a dancer and a very nice woman who is a friend of the people I often dance with at one of the venues here in The Villages.   It’s funny how, just a month ago, I was not sleeping because I had no idea where I’d be going, or how I would survive, and today I’ve been given a reprieve (I can stay till 10/1/2011) and possibly, a job to help pay the rent when I have to leave here.

But, back to “the time of my life”…I was singing that song on the golf cart ride back to the house tonight.   I went dancing, first a City Fire, or Fire City, a place previously known as Urban Flats.   And, then, my first time at Gator’s Dockside, or, is it RJ Gators?    I think it’s Dockside…actually down at Lake Sumter Landing, and on the dock.   :)    Danced the night away and had a lot of fun.   I still prefer dancing with Ray, “Boots” as he’s affectionately known, but tonight I danced with Len - a dance instructor on a cruise ship.   He’s teaching me new steps, which, without his strong lead, I’m not sure I’d do well enough to continue dancing that way in public.  Len tells me I’m “a natural” and that I can be a great dancer.   Or, that I am a great dancer, just need some lessons.   Or something.

The point is, and I’ve said it before, THIS PLACE IS LIKE NO OTHER PLACE I’ve ever been.  Like living on a cruise ship.   There’s no crying in The Villages (I thought that one up), even when the tears come…I can tell myself that there’s no crying in The Villages and I smile.   I have friends.   I have people to dance with, including “Steve from Croatia”.   Another story for another post…   The lifestyle, the opportunity to learn new things, the people who are ALIVE and willing to keep kicking in spite of the economy, wars and famine, hurricanes even.   Everyone has a story, that’s what I hear at the pool.   And, we all have our ups and downs, and there is always someone more fortunate or not, depending on the day.

I’ve had the time of my life (except for when I was on the back of the Harley!)…I wouldn’t have missed this for the world!