I learned today that someone very important to me still asks about me!!

She’s 10 years old.    She sings, plays soccer, loves Mokie and her Uncle Matt and she remembers me.

I am blessed beyond measure, even more than I knew.

I happened to bring a coupon to Sweet Tomatoes last week…it was for 4 people and over a $1.50 off of each purchase.   I considered asking if a group of 3 might be interested in saving a few bucks…   I happened to walk up to a line of waiting people, and right in front of me, 3 people who appeared to be in a “group”.   I figured they might be waiting for the driver of their party, but I stepped up and asked anyway, “are you a group of 3?”.

The answer, “YES”.  I explained about the coupon and they agreed to welcome me into their party.

Since Sweet Tomatoes is a buffet, I had only brought in the coupon and a $20 bill and my car keys…when the man of our group considered the savings, and upon seeing my $20 clutched in my hand, he told all of the rest of us (women) to put our money away, that he was buying.   At first I said no, that I hadn’t intended for the coupon to be fortunate for me, that I had intended to save 3 other people some money.  But, no, it was decided that I put my money away.

I remember his name, Bill.   And I remember one of the women was from Massachusetts and that her names starts with an M, but for the life of me (and I just knew I would remember) that’s the best I can do.   And, sadly, although I can remember her face, I’m completely blank on the other woman in our group.

We talked, laughed and ate.   And, laughed some more when I explained that I had found a pretty cool way to get free food!   I told them to watch for reports of a woman standing out in front of Sweet Tomatoes looking for parties of 3!!

I love The Villages…said that before…

Recently though, after having had a friend lose a family member way too soon, or a friend who has faced cancer not once, not twice, but is again facing the same breast cancer operation which had to be postponed after she fell down the stairs and broke her ankle so badly that it required a 3 week stay in a local rehabilitation center…another friend now up in Georgia for a brain operation…

It may be that the two people I wrote about in previous posts have passed away…the ones who would come dancing in between their chemo treatments…haven’t seen them in a long time…

There are so many “things” to be done, so little time.   Family is supposed to be the top priority, because without family …

What about friends?   Shouldn’t they also be a top priority?

God?  Definitely identified as a top priority…

And, the “me” generation…it’s not “wrong” to put self first - like they say on the plane, put on your mask first and then help those seated around you (or next to you)…

I definitely LIKE putting myself first sometimes…perhaps, living in The Villages it is EASIER to put myself first because there is so much to do, so much I want to do.

I am constantly reminded about what my life would be like had I not been “forced” to take early retirement…if I hadn’t “gambled” away my savings and my retirement trading options…every day I live in an environment where I’m tested…I am an orderly person.   I like structure.  I like to see all of the chairs placed back under the table.    I like shoes to be lined up neatly in a row, not left out in the walk way to be tripped over.   I like to have the doors securely locked at night while I’m sleeping.  I like being able to go to sleep when I’m tired, instead of having to stay up because I am depended upon for transportation, sometimes as late as 10:30 at night.

Had I not made foolish financial mistakes, I would be living in a place where all of these things I LIKE would happen.   That is not the case.  Would it be better?   What is better??

What I am doing is this…I’m busy surviving.  And living.   And experiencing GUILT.

With unmet commitments to family members who would like more of my time.   Same goes for friends, I’ve made many in these past 2 years, but there is little opportunity to communicate in person.   I’m also volunteering my time…for both reasons, to help others, but also to help myself.  There is an elderly woman who lives across the street.   I walk her newspaper up to the front door on rainy or cold days, even on nice days sometimes.   I know she would love for me to spend some time just talking…and I do try to make it over there on occasion…but I see her kitchen light on nearly every night and I feel guilty that I don’t take the time to visit.  My own mother would also like company and she’s nearly an hour away, so I’m not visiting her like I should either…

Instead, when I am able, I’m dancing with Ray.  “ME” time.   Exercise.  Escaping.   Happily moving to the beat of whichever drum is beating at the moment.   I know that if I hadn’t made stupid financial mistakes I wouldn’t have the opportunity to be dancing with Ray.   I wouldn’t be here in The Villages living this lifestyle.

Bittersweet, it’s just the way it is.   We are given so much time and we get to spend it however we choose, driven by guilt, or driven by … by … I’m not sure what I’m driven by these days.

Am I selfish?

Or a shellfish??

The  American Indian daily emails I receive had one subject this week about learning from Nature and about how it is when we stray from Nature and focus on other worldly things that we lose site of how to live…

I’m probably out in left field here, but, after the rains this week, I was so glad to see that the banks of the ponds and lakes were back up again, that the water level was higher and that …..

and then I thought about all of the birds, frogs, turtles, whatever, who may have built nests in the reeds and grassy marshes while the water level was low.

This thinking stemmed from the recent video clip of a movie, which showed the actors (Tom Hanks and that other guy who plays many roles…) talking about the Zen Buddhist…   That story where the family gets a horse and the town thinks how lucky they are to have a horse, and the Zen Buddhist says something like “we’ll see”.   And then the son falls off of the horse and breaks a leg and the town thinks how unlucky/sad it is that the son’s leg is broken and the Zen Buddhist repeats the “we’ll see” sentiment…  and, of course, the kicker…a war breaks out and the son is not called into battle because his leg is broken…

And yet, even when watching Nature, it’s something that has to be done with KNOWLEDGE or discernment or something…otherwise, it may just seem that Nature is cruel and heartless…

This week there was a bird’s nest blown from a tree during Nature’s rain and storms.   Last year I saw a baby blue jay who probably died after being blown from a nest during a freak storm…the little thing was alive when I saw it, but by the time I went back with something to contain it so I could take it (WHERE???) some place safe, it was gone…

Sometimes…it appears that life just SUCKS.

And then I remind myself that “there is a reason”.

But, what the hell reason could there be for nests flooding or being blown from a perfectly good tree branch??

I guess, at some point, you just have to BE LIKE THE BUNNY and wiggle your nose and go find a carrot.   Can’t dwell on anything too long.

P.S.   The “message” of this post may not hit you right away…but there is a LOT being said.    Maybe pretend that you’re back in junior high, and you’ve just been assigned this piece as homework…you are to find 4 messages and write a paragraph on each.  What would you come up with?