No fear.

I know what that means now.  At least, in this moment.

I’ve taken, ok, “we” have taken steps to move forward, and the honest truth is that I/We never feel so alive as when we take flight.

I took a chance on a friend in need a few weeks back, borrowed $750 which I “fronted” to her, in return she was to sell ad space for me.  But she won’t even answer the phone now.  Thankfully I didn’t give her the $3K she asked me for.  From her side of the transaction she probably feels vindicated for taking the $750, since “it is my fault” that she wasn’t able to do what she could have done with $3K.  But, there you have it, I offered her $750 “chunks” which she would work for to repay before receiving  the next allotment.  She chose to take the first allotment and run.  More power to her.  I wish her well.

But what has happened instead is that I’m now firing on all cylinders and I AM OUT SELLING in her place.  It’s thrilling.

I’m leaving in a few hours for a community newspaper event in Orlando…the opportunity to learn and some time off from my frantic life style.  I leave with anticipation.  And, with the money to pay for printing my first two advertising efforts already acquired.  Now I have to sell more spaces to pay the rent, etc.  But it’s happening.  Thankfully it’s happening.

And the friend who “borrowed” the $750 and now has fallen off the face of the earth, she taught me how to fish, not in detail, but enough that I could take the information and run with it.

Anyone who has come into contact with me in the last few days (weeks) KNOWS that I am running with it.  And while I’m running, I’m also eating healthy chocolate at least 3 times a day!  Can’t get any better than this!

The race IS on!

Who would have thought that someone would make a healthy chocolate…not a candy, but a food source?   I mean, yes, the news is full of reports about dark chocolate and antioxidants, about acai berries, blueberries, etc., etc.  There are a multitude of products all offering healthy benefits and monetary rewards for those who work to take advantage of the opportunity.  I’ve tried a number of them myself, but I’ve never followed through for one reason or another, usually because the cost of the product.  The cost and the fact that, in most cases, I would have to convince someone to try something that they could either get on sale somewhere else, or, and this is the important part, to convince them that they should change to my latest “amazing” product.  I was never able to achieve the health results that the people parading across the stage talked about, or, I would be told that “you have to use the product for x number of days, or weeks, or even months” and THEN you will see the results.

The day I signed up as an Xocai distributor I had a stress headache, from the lack of sleep for days on end.  Tossing and turning before eventually, finally, falling asleep and then getting a late start to my day and having to rush to get things accomplished before repeating the process the next night.  A piece of chocolate, melted in my mouth, took the headache away.  When I signed up, it was with the knowledge that I already had 4 people in my downline.   And the product I would be “pushing” would be CHOCOLATE.  I drove away from the meeting pleased with my decision to join Xocai.

The day my chocolate arrived I was in bed, and asleep, before midnight.  Unheard of, as I am sitting here typing at 12:57AM, tonight.  I powered up the pc after watching Harry Potter, so that I could check email before going to bed.  Mistake.  My roommate arrived home and I had to share most of what I had learned during a Xocai training meeting today.  But, I was talking about the day my chocolate arrived…that night, after one piece of chocolate, I was in bed, and asleep, before midnight.  I haven’t taken a sleep aid since.  And I’m sleeping soundly when I finally do get to bed.

I eat chocolate every day now.  I often do not have an appetite and when I do, I don’t crave junk anymore.  I can have chocolate whenever I want it, and I find I don’t have to have it any more.  My memory is getting better, and there are other benefits as well.  My roommate, one of them, has been on vacation for a week and can’t get over how rested I’m looking now.   I am still in awe myself.

I’m taking a one week supply to my mom, my sister and her husband.  I’m not going to tell them what I’ve experienced.  I’m just going to ask them to try it.  If they get even some of the benefits I’ve experienced, I know they will want to know more.

Chocolate Anyone?

When asked if I knew of anyone who wanted a dog, I said “my roommate” does, but, I stressed, again and again, “I don’t want a dog”.  I knew that I would devote myself to your needs, fresh water, quality food and treats, comfortable bedding, safety, and walks twice a day.  Even at my own expense, loving an animal is something that demands all of those things.  And, I didn’t want the responsibility.  But fate dictated that you would become a member of the household and, true to form, I loved you and made sure that your needs were met.  Tonight the screensaver displayed photos of you playing with a neighbor dog, your friend who often joined us on walks at the school.  Already emotional because of memories of another “my girl”, the tears flowed again because you are not here.  I miss you.  I miss our walks, I miss your unconditional acceptance, and I am guilty because I could bring you to live here, but I haven’t, and probably won’t.  The cost, financial, time, emotional…instead of the responsibility, I experience sadness.  Instead of responsibility, I experience relief.  That doesn’t mean I don’t care.

Maybe someday you will know how much I miss you.  You are in my thoughts at least once a day, if not more.  Tonight on Grey’s Anatomy there is a small child who is in trouble, and unbidden tears come.  It happens all the time, the tears.  I know I’m supposed to be grateful for the good memories.  I know I’m supposed to be grateful for the time I was allowed to spend with you, ah, the memories.  At least one day, each week for the first 3 years of your life, was devoted to you;  as you grew up we played games, read books, picked wildflowers, looked for bugs under rocks, chalk drawings on the driveway, or on the wall, playing with sand and bucket, watching the Wiggles, playing in the “fort”.

“I’ve got sunshine, on a cloudy day…and when it’s cold outside, I’ve got the month of May….”

My girl.

I love you.

Monday - upbeat, positive, knocking on doors offering ad space.  two flyers, one nearly complete, the other with empty spaces to be sold.

Tuesday - upbeat, catching up after spending Monday knocking on doors offering ad space.  two flyers, one nearly complete, the other with empty spaces to be sold.  no time to sell.  add to that, working with a publisher who also has ad space to sell, who offers 25% per deal, a lot less than the flyer income, but less work required.  and there is still the promised commitment of work postponed for days, weeks.

Wednesday - working on ad generated by knocking on doors Monday, further behind and playing catch up after catching up after spending Monday knocking on doors.  running to the aid of commitments requiring immediate assistance, wondering what in the world is happening and how did this situation come about.  maybe the PowerBall will hit, but where is the ticket purchased on Tuesday?

Thursday - working on what feels like EVERYTHING, chocolate networking calls result in people calling not about the chocolate opportunity, but to offer me another opportunity, hopes up that someone might be interested in chocolate, dashed.  instead being offered the Shaklee opportunity, too late, already in Shaklee.   reworking ads, making calls to get confirmation of acceptance of created ads, wondering if payment will be received before the date to send to printer.  take the chance and print without payment on the hopes that payment will be forthcoming?  find another paying client?  time spent writing out bills, envelopes stuffed and then forgotten on the desk after rushing to help someone on another project.  contacting friends who promised to repay loans, but who no longer answer the phone.  phone calls from happy people wondering who is speaking from this side of the phone, asking where is the happy, outgoing, upbeat entity?  and when there is time to contemplate, realizing that all the  energy spent learning to trade and  learning real estate investing, realizing that there is now no time to do either.  no longer upbeat.  not even time to find if PowerBall hit, even if the ticket was located.  no time to look for the ticket.

Friday - that’s tomorrow.    dog tired.